Saturday I went to a baby shower for special friends who have new baby twins. As I sat feeding and holding the baby girl. It was some much needed medicine but yet At the same time I was hit with sadness so hard. It dawned on me that in three weeks I should have been holding and feeding my own sweet baby. But , our baby is in Heaven. I never got to see it’s heartbeat on an ultrasound. And as the night wore on And morning dawned I realized I had never really allowed myself time by myself alone to grieve. Because in all this time I have my son to take care of, have bottlefed two baby goats and just had to keep going for my family. Yesterday, as I drove past the place we buried the baby I had an overwhelming feeling to go back alone so, I left little man with my honey after dinner and went to talk to God and our baby.
When I got there , there was two tiny white feathers laying where we buried baby September. It was special to me as I finally had time to grieve all alone.
Now I won’t say that I won’t have more tears like I did yesterday but my heart feels better being able to cry and pray and talk to our baby I’ll not be able to hold this side of Heaven. That’s what I like that we can come to God and just pour out our raw feelings and sadness and He understands because he had grief just like we do.
I wish I would have took a picture of the little feathers but I had left my phone behind because I needed alone time.
Have a good day y’all.
Stay at home with Dory 